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Something other than post-a-day topics

April 13, 2011

So, I’ve been making a mental list of a few things that I may inevitably experience.  One experience is certain, but the others are options and I’m open to them.

Sure Thing: Death

Options: 1.) Marriage, 2.) Family, 3.) More active music career-a.k.a. writing, recording, touring, etc.

okay, I know…some folks may consider thinking about death as a morbid thing to do.  It’s a reality that each of us will face.

“Every man dies, not every man really lives. …”–William Wallace

Truly, I’m thinking about what I leave behind, not death itself.  I’m not afraid to die.  What I have been afraid to do is really LIVE.

I fell in love with this scene from “Akeelah & the Bee” and was shaken to my very core.  I believe that this quote really got some wheels turning in my mind and heart as I began my road to embracing my whole self.  Something that age affords is the grace to embrace myself: bad AND good alike.

Here’s the entire quote.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”–Marianne Williamson

I won’t lie: I’ve kept up a list of things I would like to incorporate for the actual day that I get married to my warrior husband.  Granted, I don’t have any clue who he is, but I know that he’s been praying for me, just as I have been praying for him (long story).  I don’t believe that this is strictly a “girl thing” but I AM embracing the fact that all these wonderful couples who have tied the knot before me have been giving me a list of ways I’d love to celebrate on that day.  Everything from extravagance to simplicity and everything in between have crossed my mind.  What would I splurge on and what is not necessary come to mind.

In the end, I don’t think that spending THOUSANDS of dollars is going to make the day any more special than keeping things very simple.  Considering the fact that I can’t afford to get married right now, I’m glad that I don’t have anything to be anxious over at the moment.  However, that being said, I AM thinking about what I want to bring (and NOT) to the table to my hubby and our life.

Things NOT to bring into the relationship:

1.) Financial debt (credit card, car, student loans-however, the last may be unavoidable since I owe our first 2 children)

2.) Emotional baggage (meaning me not taking care of myself emotionally & allowing old stuff affect the way I let him love me and vice versa…it sounds complicated, but really, it isn’t.)

3.) Unrealistic expectations (we’ll have a PERFECT life together with a perfect family…)

Things I HAVE that I CAN contribute to the relationship:

1.) A desire to become a SAINT along with my hubby & our family (the goal is heaven, people!)

2.) Music (regardless of whether or not he wants it…it’s part of the package)

3.) Dance partner (this is the key to working things out with me)

4.) Cook (because I am a kitchen ninja…a secret one at that…or is that redundant?)

5.) Community (I have a BIGGER family than just my immediate one)

6.) Love (it’s what I’m built for)

7.) a creative genius with a tendency to surprise people, including me!

I am FAR from perfect and I know my hubby is, too.  I am MORE than okay with that.  What I’m really looking forward to is the day-in-day-out sort of living.  Sounds like a mundane goal, but the truth is, every day my hubby comes home to me is an occasion worth celebrating.  I pray that I can do my part to make our home a loving place that both of us (and our children) look forward to returning to at the end of the day.

In regards to the realm of music, that script is still being written, but I DO know that it’s an adventure to be had.  I’m not sure exactly where I’ll end up, but I am SO glad to accept the fact that I’ve “arrived” as a person embracing the musician in me.  I can’t believe it took me THIS long to embrace this part of me.  It’s like I’ve finally accepted that I’m a human for goodness’ sake!  😉

So, those are my thoughts as one day turns to another.  I’m going to do my best to honor my “Sabbath” rest and stay offline today, but I didn’t want to avoid posting today.  🙂  Have a blessed Wednesday, folks and go hug a few people!




One Comment leave one →
  1. Yvette permalink
    April 13, 2011 10:11 am

    You are wise beyond your years! Sounds like you’ve been taking notes and paying attention on this amazing, cray, wild ride that is … life.

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