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Observations Before the Plunge

October 30, 2012

November is a very busy month this year and needless to say, there’s a lot going on in my mind. October vanished quickly and looking back, I know I did a lot of things: work, music, pray and even a little dancing, however, I feel like I missed something.

I have not written a single blog since April 2012. I hit a sort of writer’s block and even forgot that I have a blog to keep up. I think that the pressure I felt with the post a day challenge got to me and I was not mentally ready to share so much with the world. A lot of personal challenges came my way about a year ago in early November and I literally stopped everything I was doing. The very core of my being was challenged greatly and I needed to seek some serious help. The fruit of that season will make its way known in other blogs, but for now, I will take the first layer off.

I can gladly look upon my past, having come to terms with it. I am ok with struggling for the best version of myself. I realize that I have dreams and desires that are gifts to me and I have a responsibility to use the talents I have for the glory of God. I also realize that I have a voice and my opinion does matter, if only to exercise the gift of free will that is given to me. For so many years, I honestly lived to please other people. I was so worried about what others thought of me that one little word from someone could send me into a tailspin of emotional highs and lows. I think I’m finally growing up. At the end of my life here on earth, no one can stand up for me and speak up for me and the way I lived. How I choose to live my life will be all that is before me. I am, indeed, a selfish creature, lost in the world of instant gratification and trying to keep up with the expectations set before me. Lord, give light to my eyes, please. I long to see You.

As 2012 comes to a fast close, I know that my Heavenly Father will not lead me where He will not be. I am not the same woman I was a year ago and I trust the Holy Spirit has me where He wants me. Time to go out into the deep. Holy Spirit, come.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Gavin permalink
    October 30, 2012 2:14 pm

    It’s great to hear your thoughts, growth, honesty, and more, friend…blessings, love, and prayers to you always, V.J. May Our Lord and Mother keep you, protect bless you now and forever…it has been too long. Gav+

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