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The Last Day of 35 Years

February 26, 2013

This post is old, but I just found it. I should have read this whenever everything was changing. Truth be told, it reminds me of what I held true in the last few months. Enjoy!

I woke up this morning thinking, “It feels like the last day of school…” In reflecting upon where I’ve been I can tell you this much: I don’t have much to show for my life in regards to what I would have expected by this age; like having a husband and children. I’m still single and there’s not a even a hint of a suitor to pursue me. I’m not a famous person or own a home. I have a lot of debt from my college days incurred by unwise opening of credit card accounts and student loans. I’m still overweight and now have complications from it, but thankfully, not on any medications (yet).

By the standards set out by other folks…and I’d love to know who these people are…I haven’t done nothing.

However, the following statements are true:

  • I know who I am now and who I am not.
  • I finally accepted that I am a musician: particularly a singer/songwriter, teacher, worship leader…and a darn good one.
  • I have a family who really loves me for who I am and I am FINALLY appreciating them all where they are at and I REALLY LOVE THEM.
  • I have at least 1 or 2 good friends whom I can count on and a motley crew of BICs & SICs who challenge me to grow in holiness, in love and in truth.
  • I have been blessed to use my gifts on a regular basis with many souls who constantly affirm and challenge me to be the best version of myself.
  • The work I have done in the last 10 years were opportunities that opened up for me. I did not pursue any of them. I have loved serving these communities and continue to do so.
  • I can see the good in other people and now I can finally see the good in myself and embrace it.
  • I have been able to forgive the one person who has hurt me the most and set that person free, in turn setting myself free. This was the biggest, most terrifying and most elating process of my existence. I know it is what I was created to do and now that it’s over, the world is my oyster; for I am a Pearl of Great Price.

So as to the things I listed in the first part of my post, I realize this:

  • I will reclaim my body deliberately to glorify God and show myself it’s not impossible to be a physically healthy individual.
  • The debt will go down for I intentionally will be discerning what is absolutely necessary and what is not.
  • As for my future spouse and our children, I leave that all in the hands of the loving Father, for He has not lead me astray these past 35 years.

The biggest lesson I have learned above all is that He is trustworthy and He holds my future in His hands. Jesus has loved me so much, pouring out His mercy and grace upon my flesh heart, bringing me close to His Most Sacred Heart. The Holy Spirit has been dancing with me for years now and it never gets old. Mama Mary and the Saints and Angels have been my constant companions all this time. One day, I hope to join them.

I know I am not perfect and I strive to make amends with those whom I have hurt. If today is the last day of my life, I know that I have lived fully and have done my best to share with others the love Christ has for each of them. The joy I feel now is unlike anything I could have ever hoped for. I wish that everyone could have this in their lives. This peace is unbelievable. It is real and it is tangible and it is a gift I do not deserve. I honestly do not know what will happen in years to come, but I am quite ready for the next adventure. This time, I know I’m not alone.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 27, 2013 7:02 am

    Sweet sister, as I read your blog I could see heaven smiling at you. Our Father takes great joy in your surrender to Him for He has such wonderful things to share. Know that the creator of the universe and the one responsible for every little thing to be in sync is beyond capable of knowing whats best for our lives and directing it so. Oh how He loves us! I am blessed to share that love with you. See you in the Eucharist!

  2. February 27, 2013 7:02 am

    P.S. Happy Birthday!

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