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It Starts Today

July 9, 2014

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. – Lao Tzu

I have prayed for a moment like this today. The one that convicts me to make a decision and stick with it. I have gone down this road before, but I was not prepared to handle the social pressures within my circles of influence to push me off the train.

I’m not blaming anyone for my disease. This one is all mine. The history behind it all is not as important as this one moment: the one where I decide to make a change. I have written about this before and the question is, “why did I stop?”

The short answer: “I don’t know…”

The long answer: “I have a history of awful lies that convinced me to stop fighting for my life and here they are…”

It’s amazing how our past can define our future, if we let it. Personal histories are set so we can look back and see where we went wrong, but here’s where it gets messy. We sometimes wallow in the silly Bermuda Triangle of Self Doubt. Self-talk is a serious matter because it invariably has two sides or radio stations. One side is the negative party pooper who points out ALL of your faults and failures. According to Anne Lamott, it’s called KFKD. I won’t expound upon that, but you can find an entire chapter dedicated to that radio station in her book, “Bird By Bird.” The other side is the one that fights for you to get back up after you fall down on your face or hit the ropes. For me, unfortunately, that side isn’t as loud as KFKD, so there has to be another way to tune in to the right station.

It comes down to a battle for my soul, which is completely attached to my body. In reflecting upon how this intricate relationship exists between two parts so intimately, I am lovingly reminded that this is, indeed, the design of the Creator. A crazy balance between body and soul. Funny enough, as history would show, there has always been a battle that goes something along the lines of this: “Spirit good, body bad…”

Type 2 Diabetes is an awful slow death. One that many folk have these days that causes all sorts of health issues. I have beaten down this disease before in 2010, when I put Dr. Fuhrman’s “Eat To Live” into my life. I lasted for 7 months and 14 days (give or take) and in that time span, I dropped 25 pounds and my A1C levels dropped into the nondiabetic stage. Why did I quit this way of life? All for a silly high end dinner. I should have just enjoyed the event and the food and returned to the grindstone, but I gave up. It was hard hanging out with the people I love over meals that just were not a part of my new life style. The social norms of eating well at events is a cultural change that has not quite taken root yet. In exchange for hanging out with my family, I quit being a nutritarian…and ended up with full blown Type 2 Diabetes June 2012. I’ve passed the 2 year mark of this disease and I’m sick of being sick. I know I’m not nearly as sick as others I’ve known who have had this disease for longer. I lost my last living grandparent to this disease and the complications it caused. I don’t want to join them down this path.

So it all starts today. I’m reading Dr. Fuhrman’s book, “The End of Diabetes” and I trust his work because it DOES work.

I just didn’t believe in myself enough to keep up with it. I didn’t believe that I am worth fighting for. That’s my own fault and I need to pick up my Cross and fight.

The easy thing would be to give up and just get on medications that would get me sicker, gain weight and more miserable, but I just don’t have the resources to keep all of that up. I’ve had a couple of amazing people in my corner and I am so thankful to each of them for loving me through this difficult period of my life. By their encouraging words and their prayers, I am ready to give this a paradigm-shifting-hard-working-honest-to-goodness-go effort because I have a LOT to lose and an infinite amount to gain. My journey begins today.

So, please don’t be offended if I don’t accept your delicious offer of a cupcake or ice cream…I won’t take it as an attack when you offer me something not on my list of food I can eat. Let’s just go for a walk instead…or better yet:

let’s go swing dancing.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Mazie Wilson permalink
    July 9, 2014 3:47 pm

    Thank you for sharing this VJ. I had no idea and I am grateful to know what I can pray for you for. I know it is vulnerable to share this but I am so thankful for your openness!

    • July 9, 2014 3:51 pm

      Thank you SO much, love! I appreciate your prayers. The positive responses have been overwhelming and I can definitely feel the grace pouring in. You inspire me, too! Keep on living it up and writing about it. God bless you!

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